I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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