Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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