Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
