Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
