He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
