I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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