so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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