I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
