I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
