Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize