I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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