my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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