Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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