I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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