Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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