I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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