Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
