They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
