Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
