Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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