Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
