Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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