you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
