I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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