I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
