i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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