I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
