at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
