So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
