he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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