malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my poor anus
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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