i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
