I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
