he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
