Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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