So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
