i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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