I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I lost the right to judge tonight
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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