apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
