standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm too high and old for this...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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