I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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