they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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