she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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