I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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