Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
