im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
