I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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