I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
