It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
third nipple confirmed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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