I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
