remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
