69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
did you just send me my own nude
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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