so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
