just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize