she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
