i can't believe i had my finger in that
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
