we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
