I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
