I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
