I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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