Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
