Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
