i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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