my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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