had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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