You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
