Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
