I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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