it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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