Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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