Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
