There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
