***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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