My cat gives me a boner
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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