i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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