He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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