She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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