im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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