I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
