Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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